tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18232452044408390852024-03-13T11:03:19.762-07:00Author Deborah M. NolanDeborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-37299245600969059412018-10-29T04:50:00.000-07:002018-10-29T04:50:25.162-07:00Bucket Lists<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I’m not sure when “bucket lists” became the rage. I don’t know if they’re only so with my generation, but I can tell you that these days it seems everyone I know has one.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It might be because so many of my friends are at an age where they’re suddenly aware of the limitations of time and energy. If they don’t do it now, they may never. I get that. Until recently, when I’d go on a trip, if I didn’t see or do everything I planned, I’d reassure myself that I’d return someday and have another chance. But now, realistically, there are too many places in the world for me to return to. I still have so many places I’ve never been. I guess those unknown places constitute my bucket list.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But that’s my age group—those who have time limitations. There are also people who have always had bucket lists. They’re the ones who had goals they wanted to accomplish—seemingly from grade school on. We may all have goals. But I’m talking about people with much more specific and ambitious goals, such as being President, writing a best seller, becoming a billionaire.<o:p></o:p></div>
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People with big goals—or ambitions—in my generation—were usually men. The guys who worked hard, kept their nose to the grindstone, sometimes in the same company, for their whole career. For many of them, as they reach retirement, they don’t know what to do next. <o:p></o:p></div>
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For some, golf is their only interest, but even then unless you’re a pro, you can’t play every day. For others, golf was never interesting, but they haven’t developed any other hobbies. For these guys, their goals were job related and now the job is gone. It’s probably hard for someone in the middle of life to imagine, but many of these men have no idea what to do with themselves. They have no real yearning to travel, never had bucket lists that included anything but work goals and don’t really care for museums, theatre or other urban pleasures. They’re usually not gardeners or putterers and now greet the endless days ahead of them with dismay. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Men like this are from my generation when the work force was owned and dominated by men. Women in my youth were usually relegated to subservient roles or jobs that were traditionally for women. Early on we learned to adjust, either lowering our expectations or developing enough interests to deflect the disappointment and frustration of seeing a man get more opportunities for advancement, fun and challenge at work. Whether by choice or circumstance, many women stayed home when our kids were young. Between getting them off to school, baking for the PTA fundraiser and driving car pools, we had a chance to connect with ourselves and figure out what was important to us and what we were good at. We were and are, in hindsight, the lucky ones. We know what to do with endless days and no schedule. We’ve faced those days before. We don’t have to define our lives by making bucket lists, though sometimes they’re fun to do so we’re ready when the next vacation opportunity looms in front of us.<o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-61352734386556527232018-09-24T04:04:00.000-07:002018-09-24T04:04:24.049-07:00Getting Ready to Travel<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
My husband and I are going to Europe, Germany, France and Austria, for ten days in October for our anniversary and his college study abroad reunion. Besides the need to pack lightly and efficiently, I’ve been wondering how to get the most out of this vacation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In the course of talking to friends I realize that we don’t all have the same approach to travel. It seems most of my friends, and one in particular, do extensive research, making restaurant reservations and booking tours months and weeks before they leave home. One friend plans each day down to the minute. I’m awed by her thoroughness and impressed, but I’m not sure it would be the right approach for me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Yes, I know there will be something I miss that I’ll only discover when I get back home. It has happened. There will be the restaurant we’ll miss because I should have made a reservation a month before. I’ll also admit, when I do get the recommendations from friends about places they have gone to, I feel a strong compulsion to follow it and fret when I don’t. But I don’t think it’s really how I want to travel.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The trip, Germany, France and Austria, unlike many business trips to Europe that I’ve gone as the accompanying person, is different. It’s for our anniversary and where we’ve chosen to go. My husband speaks German, so that will be a plus. I studied French in high school and need to brush up, but we will get by. The cities and towns are small and not on the usual bestseller route so they shouldn’t be filled with tourists and we have a general idea of what we want to do. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We’ll be in the Alsace region of France and the German wine country so I’m thinking we’ll spend one day going from vineyard to vineyard. Another day will be in Strasbourg, a small city in Alsace, that the guidebook says is ancient and charming. I’m thinking we can follow out noses in the city and the rest of the trip will take care of itself since besides the Rhine valley and Alsace we’ll be driving through the Black Forest, Grimm’s Fairy tale country. Then it’s only four days until we meet up with my husband’s classmates for their 50<sup>th</sup>reunion. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Do I want a guided tour of the castles we pass? I don’t think so. I’m more curious about the people we see and the encounters we have. Do I need to eat in the best restaurants? I’m thinking not. I live in New York City where fancy food and dining is always available Though I did just read that Jean-Georges Vongerichten is from Alsace and worked at a Michelin starred restaurant there so I may have to rethink.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’d love to hear how others plan their trips. As a writer, I’m a pantser. I don’t make outlines, but follow my nose until the plot is obvious. My friend who plans down to the minute, if a writer (she a photographer) would be a plotter. I’d be interested to hear how other people figure out their vacations and if my friend’s method is more common.<o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-21713148694928303832018-07-23T04:43:00.000-07:002018-07-23T04:43:25.993-07:00My Favorite Movies<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; line-height: 32px; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 4.5pt;">
These days we all have concerns about identity theft. As a senior and regular Facebook user, I’m statistically a target. My son, who left FB ages ago but knows me well, warns me about filling out one of those on-line surveys about favorite foods, first pet or the name of the street I grew up on. He says it will make me a target of hackers. The survey questions are usually the same ones (along with my mother’s maiden name) that are security questions to unlock our credit card accounts. It’s not hard to understand why some hacker would come up with such a diabolical plan. But it won’t happen to me. I still don’t know how to cut and paste on FB and now that I know how dangerous it is to respond to such surveys, I’ll never learn and thus won’t be able to participate. (And note to all my friends who ask me to do it, maybe you shouldn’t be participating either.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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But back to the surveys, they can be interesting. I don’t mean the ones that ask the name of your first pet or your first grade teacher, but surveys that focus on favorite restaurants, vacation spots, beaches and movies. Movie lists are always interesting. My list of favorites usually is made up of romantic comedies. I guess as a romance writer, that shouldn’t come as any surprise. In no particular order, my top movies would be <i>Love with a Proper Stranger</i>, <i>Barefoot in the Park</i>, <i>Breakfast at Tiffany’s</i>, <i>Guess Who’s Coming for Dinner</i>, <i>Gigi</i>, <i>Love Actually</i>, <i>My Fair Lady</i>, and any movie written and produced by John Hughes. I’m always on the look out for good ones to watch. I know there are movies out there that I haven’t seen and don’t know about and will love as much as the aforementioned. I’ve since discovered in the age of Google, such lists are easy to find and, in the process of procrastinating and avoiding writing this blog, I found one that lists the top 50 romantic comedies of all time. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve seen a lot of them, was happy to be reminded of some, and intend to make it my goal to see the rest. Interestingly, there are several really old movies that are still on the list and several newer ones, such as <i>Pretty Woman</i>, that are not. <i>Pretty Woman</i>, unfortunately, along with <i>Bull Durham </i>and <i>Officer and a Gentleman</i>, was once in my top three, but time moves on. Also on the list were several that seem to be there for sentimental reasons. I will always opt for a Cary Grant movie over most others, and he’s represented with three, all great—of course I’ve seen them—and in the top 15, but I really wonder if Charlie Chaplin’s <i>City Lights</i>should be included. I guess I’ll have to watch it to find out. Fortunately, with Netflix that’s not hard to do. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m ready to line up my choices and settle in front of the TV to watch them. <i>Waitress</i>sounds intriguing and it’s been a long time since I saw <i>It Happened One Night</i>. Now all I need is a quiet night without my husband. He’d never want to watch any of these. He’s more of a History Channel guy.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But back to those surveys, are my choices of movies predictable? Probably. And my husband’s choices probably are too. I can’t believe I’m the only woman married to a man who would rather watch the History Channel than catch up with <i>Grey’s Anatomy</i>. Just as a footnote, in our house, we watch what I call, Compromise TV, i.e. <i>NCIS</i>,<i>Chicago PD</i>and <i>The Americans</i>, the latter because it’s simply excellent. Seriously, I’m curious about what everyone else watches or wants to watch—and not because I’m going to hack you. <o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-72788679285116012462018-06-25T12:49:00.000-07:002018-06-25T12:49:21.482-07:00Grammar Pet Peeves<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
We should be able to tell something about the speaker from a conversation. A person’s choice of words can be shorthand for characterization. In My Fair Lady, Professor Henry Higgins brags that he can tell from a person’s speech where they’re from, sometimes he can even pinpoint the exact address.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Although regional accents are fading, at least in the United States, one can still show who someone is by their words. If I had a character refer to their friend as their “bro,” you wouldn’t think the speaker was a middle-aged affluent woman. You’d assume it was a guy, probably in his twenties. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Similarly, if a character used the word awesome, you’d figure the speaker was either in his thirties or trying to appear younger than he is—which gives you a wholly different picture, but impression nonetheless.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Then there is usage that’s come into our language that isn’t necessarily correct or accurate but has been adopted by so many it’s become part of our language whether we like it or not.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“No problem,” is my candidate for an expression that doesn’t make sense. From the first time I heard “No problem,” said in response to a thank you, I hated it. Even now, thirty years later, I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying, “who said there was a problem? I just said thank you!” <o:p></o:p></div>
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But this is not the only one that bothers me. How about “he (or she or I or you) did good.” Am I the only one irritated by this bastardization? If I am, I imagine a time in the not too distant future where everyone will say, “he did good,” and I’ll be prim and proper old lady hanging on to an outdated concept. Slowly but surely “he (and whoever else is to be included) did good,” has crept into our usage.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In closing, I should set the record straight before anyone thinks I’m the grammar police. I’m so not by birth or family of origin or practice. My birth family was and is made up of avid and serious readers who pride themselves on their intellectualism but who play fast and loose with the objective case. “Between you and I,” could have been said in my house growing up without offending anyone. On the other hand, Dylan Thomas, Raymond Carver and Cormac McCarthy were all patron saints.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But I married into the Nolan family who, though not all readers (there are a few notable exceptions), were raised, from all accounts, by the grammar Gestapo. Suffice to say that with my 40th wedding anniversary coming up this year, I’ve cleaned up my act. But my husband and my critique partners will tell you, I still make plenty of mistakes. But as it is true with religion, it is also true with grammar, “there’s no one more scrupulous than a convert.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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I assume that anyone reading this has their own grammatical and usage pet peeves and I would love to hear about them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-172373451740026202018-05-01T13:06:00.000-07:002018-05-01T13:06:57.038-07:00WHEN WOMEN GET TOGETHER<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">This week I’ll be meeting up with women from across the country as well as Canada, Europe, and South America because my husband, like the husbands of these women, is active in the Maritime Law Association. The association has a meeting in New York City every year during the first week in May. There are also meetings all over the country in the fall usually at port cities. We’ve met in Mobile, Alabama and a resort near Long Beach, California. Over the years we’ve also been to Baltimore, New Orleans, Portland (Oregon and Maine), Boston, Hawaii and Charleston.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">The meetings never disappoint, because of the women I’ve met. The real meat and fun of the conferences for me is getting together with the other wives and significant others, talking and sharing. We probably run the gamut of political affiliations--and these days, politics is a topic filled with landmines, but that's not what we talk about or how we relate. Our conversations are more about our lives and how we cope with what we have to do. Some of us are grandmothers, some have weddings coming up and some have ailing parents, but in this group, maybe because none of us are in each other's lives otherwise, we can talk honestly about the difficulties each of these stages brings and the joys and the pains. No one is in competition and no one is judging.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">What happens at these meetings reminds me of a conversation I had with a woman I met on vacation last year. She was my age, in college during the time when boyfriends and male classmates were trying to figure out what to do about Viet Nam and their military obligation because of the draft. For those who weren’t around then or were too young to feel its impact, the draft, regardless of one’s politics, defined the young adulthoods of all the males who were eligible in the mid to late sixties. The prospect of going to Viet Nam was just about certain unless one got a deferment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">Regardless of how stressful that time was, it was an experience shared by the entire country. To this day, Viet Nam, and how one handled it, is a subject that those of us who were of age at that time slide into discussing. Talking about the divisiveness in the country now, this woman said, the problem in this country is that we don't know each other anymore. If there was a draft, if we had to spend time with people from different backgrounds, we might get to know each other better, find common ground, and come up with solutions to our problems. Instead, we just see what divides us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">That may be what’s the best part of my experience with the women in the MLA. Although we come from a variety of religious affiliations and, in spite of our politics, we always manage to find common interests and beliefs and have genuine conversations. If only that same experience could extend beyond groups such as mine into the national level.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-874841752332285412018-02-04T06:34:00.000-08:002018-02-04T06:34:56.655-08:00RETIREMENT<div class="MsoNormal">
My friends, my peers and many of my relatives are beginning
to retire or have already.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a woman of
a certain age, I’ve had the opportunity to have a variety of careers and have,
so far, retired 3 times, if you count when I left the practice of law to have
my first child. I’ve also not worked for long periods of time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Women like me grew up in a time when we weren’t expected to
have a serious career and working after having children was frowned upon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when our children had grown or at least
were in school all day, going back to work wasn’t a requirement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of my peers stayed home indefinitely
being volunteers, playing golf, tennis and bridge and joining garden clubs and
the Junior League. Women my age have already figured out how to make life worth
living without working.<o:p></o:p></div>
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On the other hand, my husband and just about every male I
know in my generation has been working at his career since his mid to early
twenties and has put his job in the center of his life. Putting work first was how
we were raised and how we raised our kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mothers, including me, went to the sports events, the back to school
nights, the school trips and extracurricular outings. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I have come to realize that particular division of labor was
not great for anyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think kids
suffer not having both their parents involved in their every day lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being the main breadwinner also put an unfair
burden on husbands who felt that their family’s livelihood was entirely on
their shoulders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it was not good for
wives and mothers who never gained the confidence that can come from having a
career. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I live in Manhattan now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We moved here fifteen years ago after raising our children in the
suburbs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because city living is such a
communal situation I get to closely observe my fellow citizens and see, either
on the elevator in my building, on the crosstown bus or just walking the
neighborhood streets, how the next generation deals with their kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My takeaway is how much more involved fathers
are now. It’s as likely that a dad will be escorting a child to school on the
bus or running alongside their preschooler riding his scooter on the way to
nursery school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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I also get to hear the conversations. I get teary for what
my husband and my children missed, when I overhear a dad and his son or
daughter talk about their day and question what they’ve seen and what they’ve
heard. The conversations in such settings come about naturally and lead to
important issues. I had the same kind when I ferried my children to their
practices and lessons or did carpools. As anyone who’s had them knows, they’re
priceless and a great basis for later years when kids aren’t so apt to be
open.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back in the day, very few dads
ever had the benefit.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But on top of that loss, that special relationship with
their children, many men and some woman I know now have a hard time facing retirement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They worked all their lives, focused on their
jobs instead of cultivating other interests and have no idea what to do once
they don’t have that job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s true that some have more or less figured it out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m thinking of the golfers who throw
themselves into the game the same way they threw themselves into their careers.
Golf can—at least until you’re in your mid to late 80’s—for some be something
to focus on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But not everyone is a
golfer or wants to be one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some retirees
travel and can’t wait to take cruises to Alaska and Europe and the Caribbean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Others, like my husband, who is not retired
yet, but wishes he were, garden. But it’s the rare individual who finds golf or
a life of travel, or even gardening, as engaging or stimulating as the job they
once had.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Of course I’m talking about the advantaged, not the retirees
who are struggling financially.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’m
not so sure it’s any different for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Their jobs may not have been as engaging or rewarding, but like the more
affluent, the burden of supporting their families was on them and like people
of means, if they’re reaching retirement age, they too have to figure out how to
find meaning in their days.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Bottom line, defining ourselves by our jobs has major
limitations and perhaps it’s the one area where women of a certain age have the
advantage.<o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-20129478226468102642018-01-08T11:55:00.000-08:002018-01-08T11:55:32.179-08:00Creating Characters<div class="MsoNormal">
I go to yoga classes in the city near my apartment on the
upper Westside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although I’ve been
taking classes there for about 5 years and recognize a lot of the people, I don’t
really know any of them, but I still find them fascinating.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The class I go to most regularly is on Wednesdays at 10:30,
Level One yoga. About half of the class is women like me, between 55 and 70,
along with two or three guys also that age. The rest of the class is mostly
women somewhere between 30 and 40 years old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I observe them all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It would be easy if I recognized them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used to see David Duchovny at my gym.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Actors are obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re better looking than the rest of us
and work out like their job depended on it—which of course it does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that’s not usually the case with my
fellow yogis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re not as handsome or
as fit and not easily recognizable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
speculation has been that they’re journalists, lesser known actors or artists, or
teachers if it’s the summer or spring or winter breaks.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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For several years there was a guy who came to yoga every
Wednesday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think he was about 45 or so
and lean and fit, but not super handsome so he probably wasn’t an actor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’d put his mat down in the first row and
take off his shirt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’d also practice
some of the harder poses until class started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All of this annoyed me—he was, in my opinion, being a show off. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But besides being annoyed, I’d wondered who he
was. Then he disappeared, leaving at the same time as our yoga teacher who went
on maternity leave. I briefly wondered if he’d been her husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that didn’t really work since he was,
again in my opinion, too old for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
I decided he’d been coming to class because he had a crush on the instructor,
explaining why he left when she did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What he did for a living puzzled me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Fast forward last week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He shows
up again. The woman I’ve designated our “class leader,” because she talks to
everyone, asked him where he’d been.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Travelling,” he said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hmm… Now I
really don’t know what this guy does or who he is. Who travels for 18 months?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are other interesting characters in the class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The distinguished 60 plus man who’s all arms
and legs,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>shows up late every week, is
totally inflexible, but keeps on coming. Then there’s the man with the therapy
dog, sitting quietly in the back corner. I usually don’t notice them until the
end of class when I’m leaving when I marvel at how well behaved his dog is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There has to be a story there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally there are the joggers, a band of
40-somethings, naturally fit and flexible, who head out to the park to run
after our 90 minute class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They just
make me tired.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
As fiction writers we create characters seemingly out of
air, but maybe not so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it
possible that my musings about my fellow yogis provide the blocks for building
characters?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What they look like, what
they wear, how they talk, and their regular attendance at yoga every Wednesday
could all go to creating a believable character who will some day appear in a
book. So much of what we do isn’t even conscious, but comes with being an artist.<o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-10536787918713380602017-12-12T06:43:00.000-08:002017-12-12T06:43:18.778-08:00My Family's Holiday Tradition<div class="MsoNormal">
As anyone who has spent any time with me knows, food and
drink are an important part of who my family is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The holidays are no different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although they can be a busy, stressful and
expensive time of the year, exchanging gifts is a must.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My family came up with a solution years ago, which,
while not eliminating the work involved in gift giving or even the stress,
created a custom that works for us.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We give each other gifts of food or drink, usually homemade
though being homemade is not a requirement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I should explain that we, my brothers and their families and I, don’t
live near each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of us lives in
San Francisco, another just outside of D.C. and I’m in New York.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That means shipping can get expensive, but
we’ve been doing this kind of exchange for at least twenty years and have no
plans to stop. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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It’s an interesting exercise in creativity to come up with something
that feels festive and generous and tastes good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes, we’ve relied on one of the
websites that specialize in food, fruit, and cheeses, and my brother in San
Francisco always has California wine as a default, but only in times of
desperation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually we go with
homemade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My brother in San Francisco’s
wife (who is the one who actually does the baking and the giving for her family)
is the most creative gifting homemade sun-dried tomatoes, vanilla extract,
infused vinegar or soap and candles from their own bees.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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My brother in Takoma Park, the suburb just outside of D.C.,
has always baked though there was one year when we got a great barbeque meat rub.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m a good cook, but not much of a baker so this kind of
gift is always a challenge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t very
well send a salad or casserole. But the holidays are the only time I do bake
and I like the challenge since it’s always seemed to me that a homemade present
is more meaningful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For years I baked
fruit breads including one that had apple and every healthy nut and grain in
creation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was good, but I’m not sure
how festive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, for several years, I
was on a granola kick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used the recipe
from 11 Madison Park, which is wonderful and guaranteed to be delicious and a
hit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this year I’m thinking of
baking again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I’ll do shortbread
or some other reliably easy cookie that will be tasty and not impossible to
make look pretty since my cookies and cakes never look the way they’re supposed
to.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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For some who do not like to bake or cook, all this may sound
like an incredible pain. But for me, it’s always been the perfect family gift. Because
we’re never together for the holidays I want to reach out and show the love I
feel for my brothers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The time it takes
to put together the kinds of gifts we exchange seems just right. Now that my
brothers and I are at the downsizing stage in our lives, food, wine or even
artisanal whiskey (which I’ll give if the shortbread doesn’t pan out) is much
more appreciated.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-29696194055429145162017-12-12T06:15:00.000-08:002017-12-12T06:15:12.662-08:00My Family's Tradition of Gift Giving for the Holidays<div class="MsoNormal">
As I've mentioned, food and
drink are an important part of who my family is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The holidays are no different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although they can be a busy, stressful and
expensive time of the year, exchanging gifts is a must.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My family came up with a solution years ago, which,
while not eliminating the work involved in gift giving or even the stress,
created a custom that works for us.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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We give each other gifts of food or drink, usually homemade
though being homemade is not a requirement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I should explain that we, my brothers and their families and I, don’t
live near each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of us lives in
San Francisco, another just outside of D.C. and I’m in New York.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That means shipping can get expensive, but
we’ve been doing this kind of exchange for at least twenty years and have no
plans to stop. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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It’s an interesting exercise in creativity to come up with something
that feels festive and generous and tastes good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes, we’ve relied on one of the
websites that specialize in food, fruit, and cheeses, and my brother in San
Francisco always has California wine as a default, but only in times of
desperation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually we go with
homemade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My brother in San Francisco’s
wife (who is the one who actually does the baking and the giving for her family)
is the most creative gifting homemade sundried tomatoes, vanilla extract,
infused vinegar or soap and candles from their own bees.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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My brother in Takoma Park, the suburb just outside of D.C.,
has always baked though there was one year when we got a great barbeque meat rub.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I’m a good cook, but not much of a baker so this kind of
gift is always a challenge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t very
well send a salad or casserole. But the holidays are the only time I do bake
and I like the challenge since it’s always seemed to me that a homemade present
is more meaningful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For years I baked
fruit breads including one that had apple and every healthy nut and grain in
creation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was good, but I’m not sure
how festive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, for several years, I
was on a granola kick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I used the recipe
from 11 Madison Park, which is wonderful and guaranteed to be delicious and a
hit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this year I’m thinking of
baking again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I’ll do shortbread
or some other reliably easy cookie that will be tasty and not impossible to
make look pretty since my cookies and cakes never look the way they’re supposed
to.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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For some who do not like to bake or cook, all this may sound
like an incredible pain. But for me, it’s always been the perfect family gift. Because
we’re never together for the holidays I want to reach out and show the love I
feel for my brothers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The time it takes
to put together the kinds of gifts we exchange seems just right. Now that my
brothers and I are at the downsizing stage in our lives, food, wine or even
artisanal whiskey (which I’ll give if the shortbread doesn’t pan out) is much
more appreciated.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-91769926432830491332017-10-06T12:44:00.000-07:002017-10-06T12:44:35.344-07:00Adventures in Cooking<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Anyone who is Facebook
friends with me knows I post a lot of recipes. <o:p></o:p></div>
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One reason is that I like to entertain
and am always imagining my next dinner party and wondering what to serve. But
recipes were also my entrée into cooking. It’s only through recipes and
cookbooks that I ever learned to cook.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Back
in my twenties, when I was single and living in Manhattan, I didn’t have a
clue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother cooked, but I wasn’t
particularly close to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never
watched what she did, and I was so immature that I would not give her the
satisfaction of asking her any questions about what she made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I figured she didn’t know what she was doing
and assumed if I wanted to know how to cook I’d have to figure it out
myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To that end I bought <u>I Hate
to Cook</u> by Peg Bracken. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, I
still have it in all it’s broken binding and torn cover glory, along with
dozens of other cookbooks that I’ve acquired since.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But <u>I Hate to Cook </u>holds a special
place in my heart and when Peg died last year, I felt as if I lost a close friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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This little
paperback was the perfect introduction to cooking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The recipes were simple, her instructions
thorough, and her commentary funny and irreverent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most significantly though, her book made
cooking seem easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks to her I
didn’t hesitate hosting my first dinner party in my sixth floor walk up
railroad flat on the upper eastside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
don’t remember the party except that I made Peg’s lasagna but I’m guessing it
was a success because I’ve been hosting dinner parties ever since.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>From
Peg Bracken I discovered Marcella Hazen, whose death last year I also mourned,
and then onto Julia Child and Gourmet Magazine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I learned about fine cooking and how to make the perfect beef bourguignon,
leg of lamb, coq au vin and scads of other recipes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it was Peg who launched me and it was
Peg’s recipes that I used during law school when I’d host a crowd in my
Brooklyn Heights studio.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was Peg who
made me fearless, reminding me that as long as you provide your guests with
something to drink and good company, the party will be a success.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So
it’s Peg that started me collecting recipes, always imagining the next dinner
party, thinking of who to mix with whom, and what would be easy to serve so I
could enjoy my guests instead of toiling away in the kitchen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her advice was invaluable and, at least for
me, has made entertaining something that I enjoy doing instead of thinking of
it as daunting or an obligation. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Thanks
to her I discovered that cooking is just the first step to sitting down to a
meal with family and friends and one of life’s great pleasures. It’s not the
actual eating or even the food that’s primary, but the conversations and
interactions that take place while eating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is true at any meal, but more so at dinner parties. And it’s
possible that sharing recipes on Facebook is my homage to Peg Bracken and will
inspire another novice cook to host their first dinner party.<o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-68203636356334769772017-07-04T13:43:00.003-07:002017-07-04T13:43:44.304-07:00IMAGINARY CONVERSATIONS<div class="MsoNormal">
My husband, daughter and I recently stayed at a B&B on
Nantucket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On our first morning, the
owner asked the twelve of us at breakfast a question:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you could have a conversation with anyone,
alive or dead, who would it be?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I avoided answering because the question seemed so
personal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know this woman and
had just met the others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter whom
I picked, I was afraid my answer would be too revealing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure that says something significant
about me, but that’s not my point here. Nor will I address why I feel
comfortable now answering this question in my blog that could, theoretically,
reach more people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My first thought, if I had answered, was to say I’d like to
talk to my mother. She died when I was in my forties before my children became
adults and before I’d become the person I am now. She was not easy to talk to and
the number of real conversations the two of us had could be counted on the
fingers of one hand with several left over. I like to think with more years of
life behind me that I’d be able to talk to her now and push past her defenses
and get real without her shutting me down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But if I had answered that morning I wouldn’t have said my
mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead I’d pick a writer who I
admire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My first thought was Jane Austen
because I have read all her books and love every one. But I think the times she
lived in are so different than ours that we would not have the same concerns. In
addition, because she never had a husband or children she never had to juggle
work, children and a spouse or justify occasionally putting herself first.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the other hand, Ann Tyler, another favorite author, is
alive and does have a family. I love how she turns domestic stories into brilliant
character studies. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I’ve read
most of her books, I’m not sure I’d need to ask her any specific questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead, I’d like to hang out, have lunch,
coffee or a glass of wine and chat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
way I’d find out if she’s a lot different than I am or more like my friends and
I with the extra dash of genius that produced such novels as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Accidental Tourist </i>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant.</i> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d also pick her because she’s a woman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems so many male writers have big egos,
assistants and attitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think
they would let their hair down or forget that they’re famous and part of the
literati as easily as a female writer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In sum, I don’t imagine they’d be that much fun to spend time with over
a drink.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But mostly Ann Tyler would be my choice because of an essay she
wrote about having to schedule her writing time around her children’s
activities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the essay she described
how she’d put away a manuscript to go to her child’s athletic event.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a woman and a mother, I can so relate to
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t see a male writer
interrupting his afternoon of writing to catch his daughter or son’s soccer
game though maybe I’m being harsh and hasty in casting aspersions.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Most significantly though I’d pick Ann Tyler because the
last conversation I had with my mother was about one of Ann Tyler’s books, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Breathing Lessons</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother thought the book was funny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read it later, after she died, and didn’t
find it funny at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I like to think
that talking about it and why we had such different reactions could be a
starting point for us.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I wonder how others would answer the question: who would you
want to talk to, alive or dead?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would it
be an historical figure?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An ancestor, or
would you also go for someone who you could relate to and learn from?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-82656185460259494382017-06-06T03:37:00.000-07:002017-06-06T03:37:47.009-07:00OWNING AND LOVING BOOKS<br /><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.5in; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m the oldest person in my family and as such, have
participated in cleaning out my grandmother’s, my parents’ and my in-laws’
houses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my father died, a number of
years after his and my mother’s house had been emptied and sold, he left a
suitcase of clothes, a small bookcase full of books and a bundle of papers neatly
organized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s my goal, to own just a
few possessions and not be overwhelmed by stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not there yet, but I envision a time when
I know where everything is and use everything I own.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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That’s my goal, but it should not come as a surprise to
fellow writers, book lovers and anyone who knows me that my biggest indulgence
is books and it’s books that are overtaking my house. I drop by bookstores
wherever I am and rarely leave without buying several.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read book reviews, get recommendations
about new authors from friends, and attend conferences where I listen and meet
new authors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pick up or order those
books too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I go to the library I
come home with a stack to read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unfortunately, I don’t have time to read all of them, I may never, but I
anticipate a time when I will and having those books and knowing they’re there
to read when I’m ready brings me joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
recognize that not everyone feels this way, but for me books are a window into
other worlds and an opportunity to meet people who I’d otherwise never know.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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But I do have too many books. I live in a big farmhouse in
upstate New York where every room except the dining room has several bookcases
and each of them is filled to the brim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have a small apartment in New York City with two big bookshelves and
those and my bedside tables are also overflowing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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In my quest to simplify my life and environment, I’ve
started getting rid of some. It has not been easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s one thing to get rid of books that I
didn’t like or duplicates, another to get rid of books that I love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started by telling myself that I would only
keep the books that I haven’t read or if I had read, intended to read
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It meant I gave away some of my
very favorite books from college and my younger days as well as classics I knew
I wouldn’t reread.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although painful at
times, I’ve managed to get rid of a lot, donating them to our local library’s
annual book sale or leaving them in the lobby of my apartment building in the
city. I plan to keep at it and consider every book that I own to determine what
to keep and what can go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the course
of this divesting, I’ve come face to face with the realization that there is a
finite time for everything including reading books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it’s also meant I’ve revisited old
friends and been reminded of books that I’ve loved and now can share with
others.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Believe me, I still have all those bookcases overflowing,
but at least now not all of them are double shelved and of course, there will
always be room for new books. <o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-62322113189942146712017-04-04T03:45:00.000-07:002017-04-04T03:45:54.792-07:00The Best Kept Secret: Getting Old is Okay<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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When I was in my twenties fresh out of college, for a few
months I lived with my parents who’d left suburban Long Island when their last
child, my youngest brother, went off to college.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think it’s the first time I was conscious of their
age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was temporarily back home and
meeting new people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw them through
my friends’ eyes along with my own and I saw them as old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were fifty.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do remember how excited they were by all the things they
could do, the opportunities that were now open to them living in the city.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My father was still working, but after work
he loved trying the restaurants that until now he’d only been able to read
about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother, who hadn’t worked
since I was born, immediately got a membership at the Metropolitan Museum,
started volunteering at the local Red Cross and signed up for courses at the
New York Botanical Garden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
especially took to the city like a duck to water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was as if she had a new lease on life and
I remember being proud of her, but I was also amused because she was “old.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I’m older than they were then, but I don’t feel “old.” If
I’m old, and by most definitions, I am, I’ve discovered that it’s not a bad place
to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From the time I was a child until
I went away to college, I didn’t feel like I had control of anything, let alone
my future. It wasn’t much better after that. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For as long as I can remember there were people to worry
about, standards to measure up to, and of course, the competitions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never figured out the rules to those
competitions until it was too late, so I wasn’t very good at them, but I
worried anyway.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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For some reason, those competitions don’t matter so much
anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I’ve been around so long
that I can see a lot of them are silly and have finally figured out that
comparisons don’t usually make any sense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m not sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I do know is
that I’m finally at the age where I don’t worry so much about what other people
think and I don’t spend a lot of time comparing myself to others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There will always be people that are better looking, have
more and by certain standards, are more successful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I’ve pretty much stopped judging myself
by others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I’m very lucky and
have the life that I want to lead.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Of course bad luck or tragedy could be around
the corner. Most of us have experienced
that first hand: a loved one who dies without warning, a serious illness that
changes everything, or a personal disappointment. No one is immune. But even so, being older is the most
comfortable I’ve ever been in my own skin.
Looking back I think that’s exactly where my parents were when they
moved into the city. My mother,
particularly, was the happiest I ever saw her, but both my parents were excited
and alive—even though they were “old.” I
think the same could be said about my husband and me and that makes us very
lucky.</span><!--EndFragment-->
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-57717507395526210862017-03-07T06:27:00.000-08:002017-03-07T06:27:49.784-08:00UNIVERSAL ATONEMENT<div class="MsoNormal">
My husband and I were down in the Virgin Islands on vacation
last week where we took a sunset cruise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As we looked off into the horizon and watched the sunset a conversation
started with ‘what do you do.’<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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One of the two women I was talking to explained that she was
an ex-Catholic studying to be a Methodist minister.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This led to a discussion of Lent and how we
were going to observe it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To my
surprise, as a nominal Catholic, the third woman in our group, a Jew, fully participated
in the conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The future minister
mentioned Pope Francis and his recent comment about sacrifice and what was
really important about Lent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We three
ultimately agreed that some form of giving was a better way to observe Lent than
giving up something we love, even if the giving up was difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still struggling with how, based on that
philosophy, what I should do, but that’s another story.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I wouldn’t think this conversation or my thoughts on it
would be right for a blog, except that like politics these days, it’s a subject
that seems to be on everyone’s minds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
my art class here in New York City, we’re a group of nine, ranging in age from thirty-seven
to seventy, who are Catholics, Jews, Buddhists, Muslims, Protestants and
agnostics, but Lent and how we observe it, or what we were going to “give up”
was the conversation at my last class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone
had an opinion, Pope Francis’s recent statement was mentioned, and it seemed that
whether we intended to observe it or not, we all had thought about it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I’m not sure what this seemingly universal recognition of
this Christian season means.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t
happen at Christmas, where the holiday and all its trimmings are observed from
afar by everyone but Christians, even if with nostalgia and pleasure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>True, there are Jews that have Christmas
trees, but at least from my observation, those who do have trees are in the
minority. Instead, there is an emphasis on Christmas being a Christian holiday,
not a universal one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Could it be that in these tumultuous and stressful times that
just as we find comfort in the existence of a holy man like Pope Francis who
renews our hope that there is good in this world, we also find comfort in how
we’re alike, not different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter
what our religion or belief system, I think we recognize that we all
good-hearted and thoughtful people. When times are uncertain, I think we see a
need to find universal truths and be prepared to sacrifice or atone with the
hope that we’ll participate in making the world a better place. Or am I
complicating it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it simply that as a
people we have far more in common with each other than we realize?<o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-84630712418196410462017-02-08T10:11:00.001-08:002017-02-08T10:11:15.459-08:00Aging in Today's Society<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was at the gym last week in Manhattan, I overheard a personal
trainer refer to his client, a distinguished looking man most likely over 70, as
Buddy. I was horrified.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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It reminded me of when I’d visit my father in Arizona and
take him out to lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was in his
last years while he still was living independently. He had been a successful
Wall Street lawyer, always in command, always distinguished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now he was in his mid-80’s and not so
distinguished and no longer with the trappings that came with his status as a
successful lawyer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when I struggled
to help him manage the trip from the car, navigate the curb, then the walk to
the restaurant entrance and then to the table, I still saw him as dignified and
someone to respect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He still had his
wits about him and still had his wonderful sense of humor. He still was my
father.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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And then someone, the hostess or the waiter would speak to
him in the same patronizing tone as that personal trainer and I’d cringe and
want to lash out and correct.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether
these people knew it or not, they are and were treating these older adults like
infants or half-wits. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It also happened in the nursing home where my father spent
his last months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The highlight of that stay—in
a home with an excellent reputation—was the visit from the woman who brought in
the therapy dog once a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She spoke
to the residents as adults and was respectful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Otherwise, my father and the other residents were treated like nursery
school children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even the tone of voice
of the nurses and aids in the nursing home was that special tone that inept preschool
teachers save for their most recalcitrant students.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most of us, at least in the progressive and inclusive area
where I live, make an effort to be sensitive about gender differences, sexual
orientation, race and religion, but when it comes to age, so many people are
tone deaf.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I considered sending an email
to my gym telling them what I overheard and how offensive I thought it was, but
I wasn’t sure if I was being sensitive on behalf of my father and my memories
of him or myself since although I’m not as old as that man or my father, I’m no
longer young.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One might say disrespect to the elderly is the least of our
society’s problems in these days of turmoil. The case against ageism may not be
as compelling as the one against racism or other minorities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, as boomers, we seniors are climbing
into the majority. On the other hand, most of us won’t escape getting old and a
society more sensitive to the reality of the elderly would, no matter what our
other minority statuses, be a more tolerable and kinder place to live and age.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-83760169599983498482017-01-03T10:01:00.000-08:002017-01-03T10:01:32.053-08:00TOO BUSY<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 5;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I see a trend with my peers, older women with spouses, grown
children, and often grandchildren. We’re all busy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our days are full and, especially during the
holidays, we approach each day with a long to-do list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I never expected this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I thought my main concern at my age, 60-something, would be making tee
times or dinner reservations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I imagined
myself sitting by a pool or in my kitchen over a cup of tea, alone and bored,
wondering what to do next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t want to be that person in the kitchen, the one who
has too much time on her hands who spends her days mostly alone and in silence.
But isn’t there happy medium? How did it come to be that my peers and I are so
overbooked and overloaded?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could it be
just during the holidays?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure the holidays are why I am writing
this blog on the day that it’s supposed to be posted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I’m lucky it will at least make the west
coast deadline, but the east coast one is long gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The holidays, although the reason for some of
the busyness, doesn’t account for the rest of the year when my head, and so
many of my peers, is still filled with lists of what needs to be done and
calendars full of engagements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One reason for my schedule is I like being busy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The picture of the lonely woman at her
kitchen table or by the side of the pool is not an accurate picture of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m social, enjoy having people in my life
and have many intersts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as the end
of the holidays approach, I ask myself when does being busy become an escape or
is simply too much.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
New Years is a time for resolutions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mine are usually to lose 10 or fifteen pounds
and finish my work in progress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
year, instead of the weight loss resolution—although continuing to be a wish seems,
after all these years, kind of trite—I’m wondering if I should vow to schedule
and do less.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could there be a happy
medium between sitting alone at my kitchen table nursing a cup of tea and a
woman whose calendar is so full of engagements there is scarcely time for any
spontaneity?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe it’s because I’m still in the midst of holiday
recovery, but I’m thinking that instead of filling every day with obligations
and challenges, my resolution should be to pare down what I do, learn to say no
and take some alone time doing nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s occurred to me that my head shouldn’t always be stuffed with what I
need to accomplish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There should be
space for taking detours and even occasionally days of doing nothing or, heaven
forbid, lunching with a friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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This goal is so revolutionary that I’m betting my husband,
children and those who know me well, doubt I can do it. But I’m going to
challenge myself to try. I think the resolution to occasionally do nothing is
long overdue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll report back about my
success or lack thereof.<o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-19710689319553610462016-11-02T14:41:00.000-07:002016-11-02T14:41:08.006-07:00LOOKING BACK<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
The next
generation in my large family, including my children, and my nieces and
nephews, are having babies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I watch
their happiness, exhaustion and obsessiveness, and I remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In spite of it being over thirty years ago, I
remember very clearly what those days were like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What most clearly comes to mind is how I kept
looking forward to the “next” stage, instead of enjoying the present.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
My excuse was
that, at least with my first born, I spent a lot of time alone:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I lived with my husband and baby in a place
where I didn’t have friends—at least not at first—who had children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of my old friends did and they all
worked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My husband was at the beginning
of his career so he was gone all day and often into the night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He sometimes even had to work on the
weekends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a lot of alone time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
I loved my
son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a great baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he wasn’t much company and certainly not
someone I could talk to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he was
about six months old, I did start making friends who had babies, but then we
moved and I had to start over again—in December in the Northeast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spent the next three or four months either
in the house or driving around the suburbs of New Jersey after my son woke up
from his nap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To this day I know more
back roads in northern New Jersey than anyone I know.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
I’m not sure if my
experience would be repeated today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
obvious solution, in hindsight, was for me to get a part time job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if it were only a couple of days a week,
it would have gotten me out of the house and with other adults. But thirty
years ago was still a time when women were “fortunate” if they could stay home,
even if they were lawyers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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But besides
getting a part time job, I’d tell myself to cherish the time I had with my son
and then my twin daughters when they came along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I go through photographs from back then,
I realize how young I was, as was my husband and even my parents and his.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We couldn’t imagine, my husband and I, life
in the future when our children would be grown and gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that day did come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Maybe that’s what
being a grandparent is about:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we finally
have the wisdom to enjoy the little moments and the quiet and the details of a
young child’s life before they’re up and running.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
There was one
additional positive impact from all that time alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since I had no one to talk to except my
infant, I started keeping a journal that morphed into a novel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That first novel is tucked away in some draw
in my office, but when it was done, I started another and then another after
that. I was on my way.<o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-61844027479176204592016-10-04T06:53:00.000-07:002016-10-04T06:53:46.880-07:00SOCIAL MEDIA<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">SOCIAL MEDIA<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When it comes to Facebook, the world seems to be divided
into two camps: those who love it and those who think it’s an intrusive
time-waster. I’m of the former group.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love
Facebook fun, think it’s diverting and a great way to connect with people and find
out what they’re thinking about any issue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s also a wonderful source of recipes if you’re friends with me, but
more on that later.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few years ago I went to my high school reunion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the most part we women (I went to an all
girls school), hadn’t seen each other in over forty years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reunion was a great success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all spoke to old friends, made new ones
and tearfully (in a good way) shared memories and remembered those no longer
with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the reunion was over many of us “friended” each other
on Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By doing so, we continue to
be in touch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, when I have a new book
coming out, have a book that’s being promoted, or write a blog, these old and
new friends from high school are the first ones to like and share my page and
urge others to read the blog or the book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>More significantly, they’re also the ones who reach out when someone is
sick or in need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A grandchild needs a
specialist?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My classmates and I are on
the problem and making it our own to solve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Someone is sick and needs prayers and good thoughts?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re there for that too. Because of that
reunion I’ve acquired new friends and Facebook has kept those friendships
alive.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Facebook also helps me with keep up with our large and
widespread family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I’ve posted
before, I am part of a very large family. My children have 30 first
cousins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To make it even more
interesting those cousins and the second cousins and sometimes even the third
and fourth cousins keep in touch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
how can that be managed? Last Saturday night I was at a wedding party and was
talking to one of my husband’s cousins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We were able to quickly move from greeting one another to real
conversation, avoiding politics when we realized we didn’t agree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But we didn’t need small talk to get reacquainted
or dwell on what was new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I already knew
one of her sons just got married, the other recently started business school,
and her daughter graduated from college this summer summa cum laude. I know
that all from Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though I
hadn’t seen this cousin in several years, it didn’t feel like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re regularly in touch because of social
media.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Facebook is also an interesting forum for topical
discussions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not going to touch
politics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this climate and with the
election on the near horizon, that’s too sensitive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what about all the issues that we discuss
with our family and friends and chew on trying to figure out what is right and
where we stand. I read a post on Facebook criticizing all day kindergarten and
the fact that kindergarten programs have become so academic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I shared the post I got a deluge of
responses on both sides of the argument.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Those responses and observations kept me thinking for days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Finally, there are those recipes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are my friend on Facebook, you know I
share recipes. I started sharing them because I couldn’t figure out a better
way to have access to them later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I
found that people liked them as much as I did, like me, they were looking for healthy
and delicious food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also like the
videos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m an amateur cook who has
taken a few cooking classes. These cooking videos are, in my opinion, just as
helpful in learning techniques.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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So yes, Facebook can be a time sponge and time waster, but I
think the benefits of Facebook far outweigh its disadvantages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be able to connect with friends and loved
ones no matter where they live, being the most positive of them.<o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-10354341288695420392016-09-06T13:51:00.002-07:002016-09-06T13:51:05.528-07:00Labor Day and the End of the Summer<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span>Labor
Day/September<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Kayaking yesterday on a near by
lake, I saw a man loosening the bolts on his dock to take it in for the
season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My son, visiting for the
weekend, stayed up late Saturday night to watch Notre Dame football.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The leaves on the sugar maple are starting to
turn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This morning when I went outside,
there was a chill in the air: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>all signs
that summer is over—at least in the northeast.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
A
lot of people make New Years’ resolutions, but how many of us still think of
September as the real beginning of the year and a time for fresh starts? It also
means the end of the summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although
summer isn’t officially over until the 21<sup>st</sup>, for all practical
purposes Labor Day is when summer ends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
could be the reason I greet September and the Fall with a certain amount of melancholy.
I even start counting down the days in early August, anticipating summer’s
end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
I’m
not sure of the reason although I’m sure it has to do with the fact that September
for me still means the beginning of the school year in spite of having graduated
from college over 40 years ago. Although I’m a lawyer and was in school for a
number of years, I never liked the rigidness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m not very good at following rules—at least when it comes to the ones
made by other people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe that’s why I’m
a writer. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
But
besides school starting, September also means that official “fun” is done with until
next summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is not to say that
there is no fun to be had during the rest of the year, but it has always seemed,
except for maybe Christmas, summer is the time when the fun is scheduled in, be
it trips to the beach, picnics, outdoor concerts, hikes and best of all,
anything involving water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
Living
all my life in the northeast, summer is the only time we can go boating, water
skiing and swimming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once September
comes, you’re pushing it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This past
weekend I wasn’t the only one who sniffed the air and said, “Dammit, it’s
starting to feel like fall.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
sentence, mind you, is always accompanied by a sorrowful shake of the head.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
There
is, of course, the positive side to the arrival of Fall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a time of the fresh starts I mentioned
earlier and the do-overs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just as in
high school when I would harbor hope that the new school year would be
different than the old with new teachers and new opportunities to succeed,
there is still that optimism in the air every September.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether it’s something simple, like a
resolution to go to yoga class more often—and I’m not the only one, September
classes are almost as crowded as January’s—or to finally take a painting class,
most of us view September as a kind of reboot or renew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are starting with a clean slate, with a
chance to do what we’ve put off for months or even years. <o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-37934408519057612832016-01-29T11:22:00.001-08:002016-01-29T11:22:11.885-08:00The Difference between Young Love and Old<div class="MsoNormal">
As romance writers, we’re in the business of describing
couples in love, be it a new love or the loving relationship of a long time
couple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The goal is to capture it
without being forced to spell it out, using details or observations that enable
the reader to figure it out for herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s not an easy job, but it’s fun to try and put that wonderment into
words. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In some ways it’s one of those “you’ll know it when you see
it,” things, but that doesn’t help when you’re trying to put it on paper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We want the reader to identify that “look”
without having to tell them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
think it’s as difficult to describe with a couple newly in love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We watch as they take turns stopping in
mid-sentence to make sure the other is in agreement and/or they haven’t
interrupted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When one speaks, the other
gives the speaker the space and the full attention she or he needs to
shine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s lot’s of “we” in their
conversation and a kind of giddy behavior as if they have a secret that they
can’t reveal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And even when you’re with
only one of the pair, that person is glowing and figures out numerous ways to
say the other’s name.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s not nearly as easy to describe with a long time couple.
This couple knows each other well. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
are used to each other. Needless to say, the excitement has pretty much gone
from the relationship so we have to look more carefully. We probably aren’t
going to see “giddy.” Intellectually we know that if we find love it will be a
deeper and more mature, but in reality it’s not as “pretty” to see and it isn’t
always easy to spot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There could be signs such as one spouse’s concern about the
other’s health, but that could just as easily be because the one concerned
doesn’t want to be the survivor and be left alone if the other dies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the other hand, what if one spouse isn’t
listening to the other, does that mean the non-listener doesn’t care? Or is it
just a bad habit and not definitive. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An unhappily married couple is easier to paint.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s the inattentiveness, or worse, the
scowl or smirk when the other speaks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
could be the vacant expression in the eyes of one or both when they’re
together, as if they’re mentally off somewhere waiting for the ordeal to be
over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes it’s just an obvious
mental absence or focus, as if they honestly forget that the other is supposed
to be part of their universe.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But when writing about an older couple who are still in
love, how do we do it? Do we have her laugh at his jokes?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have them hold hands while they watch TV? Or
is it that they clearly take pleasure in each other’s company be it on their
regular Saturday night date or trip to the grocery store when one unnecessarily
goes along to keep the other company? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If we have them fighting or criticizing each other is that a
problem? Or is the true test the silent communication that we might see if
we’re really looking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The recognition
that one has of the other’s vulnerability and then the quick response so the
spouse isn’t out there alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A deft
save when one has stepped her foot in it with an outsider.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A phone call made to save the other from
embarrassment. You can picture all these scenarios.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The question is, are any of them <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it</i>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Will seeing him make the call to fix the awkward incident that she created,
or her hurrying out to join him for a trip to the grocery store clinch it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or is it a matter of piecing these scenes
together along with the occasional fight, criticism and concern to paint a
convincing picture of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a long time love.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-81796626771790341922016-01-18T11:40:00.000-08:002016-01-18T11:40:33.713-08:00<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">IS IT ALWAYS HAPPILY EVER AFTER?<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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I just finished listening to a book on tape, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Say When </i>by Elizabeth Berg, which raised
some interesting questions for me as a romance writer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As both a writer and romance reader, I want
the Happily Ever After, with the prince and the princess who, in spite of difficult
challenges, manage to overcome them all and live happily ever after.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The wedding that follows is either described
in detail or implied, but it’s almost always a factor.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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So many of the stories we romance writers create deal with
the cute meet, the push and pull of the courtship, followed by the falling in
love and as I said, the Happily Ever After.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But what happens after that? Do our prince and princess continue on in
wedded bliss?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do some couples exist just
as star struck with each other after 10, 15, 20 years, as they are the day they
realized they were in love?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or is it
like real life where the ordinary intrudes bringing with it the necessity of
adjustments and accommodations. Sometimes those adjustments result in a more
mature and deeper love, but not always. As often as not there is resentment and
disappointment and disillusionment. Sometimes in real life those marriages fail
and even if they last, they’re not great.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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In <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Say When</i> the
story opens with the wife telling her husband she’s unhappy and that their
marriage doesn’t work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The protagonists
then go on to separate. From there we learn about some of what went wrong in
their marriage including how she was unhappy for years and he never noticed,
thinking things were great. As the story unfolds, he comes to recognize why their
marriage wasn’t working for her and the role that he played and he determines
that he’ll fix it and himself and is able to convince her to come back and try
again.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are also introduced to several other couples who have
minor parts in the story but who also have their discord and periods of
adjustment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We see that their marriages
have also not been perfect, but that they’ve figured out how to make them work and
with that their love has deepened.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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So what does this have to do with me as an author?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How does such a story apply to the books I
write? I don’t think we should necessarily be telling stories of unhappy
married couples.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We would be disappointing
and in some ways failing our audience by not giving them what they’ve come to
expect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it occurs to me that the push
and pull in a marriage and the subsequent readjustment could be a very
interesting and even sexy basis for a love story.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think the story of a likeable and relatable couple who we
get to know through a courtship that has enough angst for us to care about them
and their love would be even more compelling if we continue to follow them
after the wedding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To see this couple
that we’ve grown to love get lost in the details of their lives, take each other
for granted, and almost lose their marriage, could be just the heart wrenching
romance that we all love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Assuming, of
course, since I love my characters too much to ever let anything bad happen to
them for very long, our couple wakes up and realizes where they’ve gone wrong
just in time to find each other and their love so we can have our Happy Ever
After. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-51578254282006338412015-11-11T10:57:00.000-08:002015-11-11T10:57:32.117-08:00REUNIONS<div class="MsoNormal">
What is it about school reunions that we find so intriguing?
For a romance writer, it’s a great vehicle for a love story. The book
practically writes itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our heroine
decides, albeit nervously, to go to her high school reunion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She thinks about that boy she knew in school…
Might be that she dumped him and now she’s sorry, maybe he dumped her and she
never got over it, or, just as interesting, she and the boy were best friends all
through high school but always dated others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The years pass, she gets on with her life, maybe even marries, but she
never quite forgets that boy. Things don’t work out so well for our heroine. The
marriage didn’t last or she never married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then comes the announcement, her high school reunion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She thinks of the boy and wonders if he’ll be
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wonders what happened to him
over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She might Google him and
search for a recent photo to see if he looks the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>IShe is happy to see the years have been kind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can guess the rest, including the ending
where our heroine and the boy find that, even after all these years, they are
each other’s soul mate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My high school reunion was this summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But my scenario is quite different since I
went to an all girls’ school. I didn’t think about any one particular
individual, but wondered if, besides my two friends who I’d kept in touch with,
I’d have anything to say to anyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wondered too if many people would attend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As in the case with many single sex schools,
because enrollment was down, the school closed about five years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I worried how that would have an impact on
who would make the effort.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In fact was there was a huge turnout.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People flew in from all over the
country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of deadly awkward silence
during the two meals and reception, my classmates and I bustled around talking
to everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The cliques, and it’s a
given that there were some, practically disappeared. We were all thrilled to
reconnect or, more likely at least in some cases, connect for the first time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I talked to and sat with people I’d never spoken to during
my four years of high school and found in many cases that I’d more in common
with people I’d hardly known back then than I had with some of my present day closest
friends. We had gone to The Academy and it seemed our shared experience had
indelibly shaped us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I said, it was an all girls school, it was also a
Catholic school, with certain values that were taken as a given.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d also thought that I was the product of my
parents and the home they raised me. What I learned over that weekend reunion
is that this little high school on Long Island also had a big impact on me, on
my values, and helped to shape my personality.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wish it had
been different </i>was that I didn’t go to the public school in my small
town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always regretted that I hadn’t
been more a part of my community, didn’t walk to and from school with my
friends or date boys that were in my class. It’s why I felt so strongly that my
children go to the local public school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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What I discovered at my reunion was the value of what I did
experience. There was in that little school an emphasis on how important and
powerful women can be in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Considering the time, the mid-60’s, my parents’ decision to send me might
have been exactly right and the lessons I learned at The Academy were just what
was needed for my future. My story is not a love story, but nonetheless,
another chapter in self-development.<o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-32031325246755125122015-11-02T11:13:00.001-08:002015-11-02T11:13:56.110-08:00<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>CONNECTIONS<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
Am
I the only one who worries about losing people, afraid that with each life change
or move, some important people, both friends and family, will drop off, never
to be seen again?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my experience, that
seems to be what happens. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
When
my husband and I moved from Brooklyn to New Jersey with our first-born infant, we
made many friends in our new community, but lost touch with almost everyone
we’d known in the city.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That forty-minute
drive and our changing circumstances put the kibosh on a number of
relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
It
also happened with my brother when he left New York and moved to California.
For years we hardly saw each other and were practically strangers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s only now, 35 years later that we’re
getting reacquainted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We could probably
thank a health scare and our children for that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
As
we go through life, it seems inevitable that some of those that we were closest
to at one stage will slowly drift away when we move on to the next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We change, they change and what we had in common no long exists.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what I’m talking about are those close
friends and family members, not acquaintances, who knew and cared about me and
my family and me, them and theirs. I’m sure I would still have plenty in common
with them if we were in touch again. I’ve changed, but I’m essentially still
the same person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I imagine they are too.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
Instead,
if it weren’t for Facebook, that much maligned, but blessed conduit for
communication, I wouldn’t know where so many friends and family are living and
what they’re up to.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
I
know for a fact that it’s possible to maintain old friendships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have observed that some people do manage to
keep their oldest friends. I’m even friends with some of these people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are the ones who go on vacations with
classmates from high school and college and somehow manage to stay in constant
communication with them. But that’s not been my experience. Is it because these
people have never moved?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or is it that
their lives have been more predictable than mine?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
My
Catholic guilt (yes, every religion and ethnic group has their own form of
guilt) would say it’s my fault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should
have kept up, called more often, made that extra effort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In some cases, that’s true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyone who knows me knows I hate the
telephone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I also think these lost
connections are the result of our fluid, modern society.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So few of us stay where we grew up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So many of us change course midstream.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe that’s one reason Facebook is so
successful with my generation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s an
antidote to that fluid, modern society giving us a painless way to reconnect.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-32451306830473181152015-06-29T13:43:00.001-07:002015-06-29T13:43:05.280-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Wedding Celebrations/Traditions<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I married into a large family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My husband is one of 8 children, a typical
Irish Catholic family, a phenomenon from another era.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m one of 4, all of us born within 5 years,
another variation of the Irish Catholic practice of the ‘50’s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Between the two of us we have 10 siblings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fast forward to the present.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My children who are in their early thirties have 25 first cousins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My three kids are very close to all of their
first cousins and even some second cousins thanks to my father-in-law who focused
on what he cared about most—family. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His insistence
that we get together numerous times a year resulted in my husband and I being close
to all these kids as well.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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We are now at the stage of weddings and new babies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a time in our lives I always figured
would be intense since these 28 young people are all approximately the same
age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s even more intense than I
expected. We are averaging three weddings a year, and now come the new
babies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of this means showers, a lot
of them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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In my younger and more self-absorbed days, despite my love
for weddings (they are, after all, big extravagant parties and I love parties),
I hated showers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Such a time waster I
thought, and so boring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I’m not so
sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m starting to think that
showers, along with so many of the other rituals, including weddings, serve an
important purpose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a time to come
together as a family and welcome the new people, the incoming family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An opportunity, I now realize, to also see
the new person in a different light and get to know her family, learn where
she’s from, how she grew up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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It also smooths the way for the weddings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the time you get to the big day you’ve met
these other women, and their families,.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Come the years ahead, these people should be part of each others’
families and be a support for each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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At the last shower I attended I sat at a table with my two
sisters-in-law, one of my daughters and the bride’s three aunts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the end of lunch (after a couple of
glasses of wine) we were warming up with “Sweet Caroline.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to know this is going to be some
wedding.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that’s not always the case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are families that are so diametrically
opposed, say the Hatfields and McCoys or the Capulets and the Montagues, that
no matter what is said or done, there will never be a meeting of the minds,
much less a joint endeavor and mutual wish that the couple be happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Romeo & Juliet makes a great story—the
classic built-in problem that will make the reader stick with your book until
the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But in life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Better
that there be two families that like each other and get along right from the
start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s the kind of scenario that
will support a marriage and shore up a couple when there is sickness and
trouble.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Labels:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Deborah
Nolan, weddings, showers, Romeo & Juliet, Westside Story.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Deborah Nolan is the author of Suddenly Lily and Conflict of
Interest, both published by Montlake, and Second Act for Carrie Armstrong,
published by Desert Breeze Publishing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She is also a lawyer, representing children in Columbia County, New
York.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She divides her time between
Columbia County and New York City.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Visit
her at <a href="http://www.deborahmnolan.blogspot.com/">www.deborahmnolan.blogspot.com</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Labels:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Irish
Catholic, wedding, shower, “Sweet Caroline,” Hatfields & McCoys<o:p></o:p></div>
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Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1823245204440839085.post-26956367767968590422015-03-29T13:08:00.002-07:002015-03-29T13:08:23.510-07:00Trapped<div class="MsoNormal">
I always wondered how I would deal with being trapped in a
small space or held prisoner. The part that worried me the most, strange as if
might seem, was what I do to pass the time--with nothing to look at, nothing to
read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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If you’re stuck somewhere but can control your environment
you’ve brought a book. If you’ve got your phone you can check out Facebook and
read your emails.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If all else fails, you
can find some paper in your purse and write a paragraph for the book you’re
working on or even compose the first scene of a new one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If nothing else, there’s always a grocery or
errand list that can be composed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
what if you couldn’t do any of those things?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What if you were trapped with no outside stimulation? And you’re not
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<br /></div>
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A number of years ago I had an MRI.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was long enough ago that it was in an enclosed
tube with a small opening where you slid in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That MRI gave me the opportunity to learn how I would handle such a
situation, deprived of all outside stimulation and unable (or in this case, not
allowed) to move.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never thought of
myself as claustrophobic, but as those of you who’ve had MRIs know—at least if
it was twenty years ago—it’s cramped and scary inside that tube. On the bright
side, it was an opportunity to see how I would deal with being forced to remain
motionless, sightless and alone with my thoughts for what seemed like an
endless stretch of time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I’d read stories about prisoners who recited poetry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, I only know a few poems by
heart, all learned in grammar school, so as I lay there, in an increasing state
of panic, I nixed that idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reciting
Joyce Kilmer’s “Tree” wouldn’t work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Instead, I tried doing something that I was confident about,
directions. I pictured myself driving to my aunt’s house in New Rochelle, New
York from my house in Maplewood, New Jersey and imagined the roads I would have
to take. I would go from the Parkway, to the George Washington Bridge and so
on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I was still anxious. Recalling
directions was not going to be a good enough distraction.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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That’s when I came up with recipes. I’m a cook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe not a great cook, certainly not a chef,
but I know how to cook and enjoy it and like most mothers and wives, I’ve
cooked many meals and know the recipes for my favorites. Beginning with pasta
with broccoli, my family’s favorite, moving on to chicken piccata and risotto,
I went through my regular inventory, picturing myself mastering each meal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the recipes almost saved me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But not quite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the technicians called out my name,
asking me how I was doing, and I was back in the reality of the dark
tunnel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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My recollection, it was about 25 years ago, is that I then
proceeded to think about song lyrics and got through a few Broadway tunes
before my name was called again, only this time, happily I was finished and on
my way out of the tube.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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But back to that question, what would I do if?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I write romances, books with happy endings,
but even in romances, it’s not a good story if there isn’t something for the
protagonist and the reader to worry about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Better yet, a challenge for our heroine to face, to defeat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which
brings up that the question, what would I do if? <o:p></o:p></div>
Deborah M. Nolanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02267288250424093883noreply@blogger.com0